Thursday, April 8, 2010
Breastfeeding is not going well. I am still determined to try, I am going to keep breastfeeding as much as I can. Right now, though, it's looking like my supply is really low, and so far herbal & dietary supplements have not been enough to bring it to where it needs to be. I saw my midwife Tuesday for a lactation consult, and baby's latch and everything is good, but we had some concerns about my supply. I told her it seemed like the baby was losing weight again, and she got me in at the pediatrician's office, which confirmed it, so I will be supplementing him for now. I am renting a hospital-grade breast pump, but still not pumping near enough to make up for the difference. We are hoping that the pumping will help bring up my supply, and I am still trying to get in touch with one of the lactation consultants my midwife recommended, to see what else we can do. I am determined to make this succeed, but I am wondering if determination is enough (because it obviously wasn't in birth).
One thing I'm having major trouble with right now is the whole guilt thing, and second-guessing myself. I keep trying to do what's best for my son, and I feel like I keep screwing it up. I feel really badly because I know he was going hungry for several days and losing weight, and it was my fault because he was not getting enough milk to meet his needs (even though I didn't know about the supply thing & he was nursing regularly, I should have known because of the low number of diapers). Now, I feel bad for having to give him formula, because I worry about how safe it may be since there have been so many recalls, and because I worry that by supplementing I am just decreasing my milk supply even further or making him prefer it over breastmilk. It all seemed so easy in the hospital, when he latched right on and seemed satisfied in the first few days, so I had no reason to think I would run into problems.
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