i thought i was getting better last week, turns out not. got lost in a town i drive in all the time monday, about got in a wreck - ended up 2 cars wide on one-way street going the wrong way. not cool. driving phobia thing from wreck last year coming back w. major vengeance - supposed to go home visit parents next week, don't even want to be in car.
sorry typing is weird, thoughts are going way too fast to keep up with. trying to use paragraphs and spellcheck, at least. will probably end up editing or deleting this anyway.
called hubby to come home from work yesterday, he was pissed. was hearing/seeing stuff and scared to be alone with the baby. he was pissed, decided it'd be nice weather to mow instead of stay with us. after 5-6 hours, stuff started again. i was alone, got scared, really tense and afraid of hurting someone. i got hubby, told him to come in now, went to bedroom. he fed the baby, then came in and started cussing at me for it, walked out. i got his gun, tried to shoot myself, was shaking so bad i missed. now i can't hear out of my left ear & there's a hole in the wall and he's even more mad about that. i'm afraid to call anyone because there is nowhere to go. can't go in hospital because there's nobody to watch the baby. i'm alone again with him, just feel helpless. i want out, but he'll use this against me to take the baby even though he'd stick him in daycare or with a racist pothead friend all day. i have nowhere to go. no money or job, can't stay with family, too far to drive even if i could. can't handle driving right now
will update/fix when i can, just needed to vent. feel sick to my stomach. too much stress
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