Monday, August 30, 2010

Stressed

Today is one of "those" days. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I woke up sore and edgy/shaky. My stress level started out high and got worse. Looking over my budget for the month did not help, because I'm behind and not sure when/how to catch back up. Of course, being tense means my back hurts now too, and I'm edging on getting a headache. I'm hoping that I'll be able to take a nap when my husband gets home, and see if that will help. I've been doing better, and am trying not to let this throw me off track.

In good news, I got my domperidone, so I'll be back to working on upping my milk supply. Since Robbie will be starting solids soon, I'm hoping to be able to wean him off formula and onto just solids and breastmilk. I'll have to get a new piece for my breastpump though, because the cat knocked a bunch of stuff off the table and my husband threw it all in the trash, apparently including one of the connectors that screws onto the bottle and connects to the pump tubing. (At least I'm guessing that's it, because it's gone, and he says he threw away some plastic things because he didn't know what they were).

I'm still working on stuff around the house. Same routine. I clean up my stuff, he replaces it with his stuff. I box up things to go to Goodwill, he goes through them and takes half of it back out. Wait I minute, I thought I'm the one  who's supposed to be a hoarder? At least he's talking about getting a storage building, so we can get some of the extra furniture out of the house. He will not let go of anything that ever belonged to a family member, and his family is the same, so they have multiple storage sheds on their property of old belongings, many of which have been ruined or crushed by being piled on top of eachother. This includes cars also - every car he's ever owned is rusting out in a field behind his parent's house.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Just Checking In

I haven't had a whole lot to blog about lately, and have been trying to limit my computer time, so it's been a while. Overall, I'm feeling much better than a few weeks ago. I'm still dragging a lot physically, just tired and sore a lot, but I feel better mentally and am not as depressed. My doctor is thinking there's a possibility of chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia, since I've gotten like this for weeks and months at a time in the past, but there are more tests and things they are doing to see if it could be related to my thyroid or something else instead. I still thing a big part of it is just that I'm not getting enough rest.

I am still trying to find a balance between taking it easy and getting things done, but I'm getting frustrated a lot. I'll ask my husband to help by watching the baby for a few hours or taking boxes to Goodwill, and he either says he's too busy (busy often means watching television or looking at porn on the internet) or does it in a way that doesn't really give me a break (calling me to help every time the baby needs a diaper change or is hungry, even though he has bottles ready for that, or falling asleep while "watching him", which has already caused the baby to fall off the couch and hit his head once). There are things I can't do while holding the baby, so I am having to stay up most nights past midnight to clean, go through boxes, etc. We have several boxes waiting now that he told me he'd take to Goodwill a month ago - he went through them, took a bunch of stuff out that we had to keep (he yelled at me over a plastic coffee cup that hadn't been used in the 8+ years we've lived here, because a friend bought it for him at a truck stop), and then left them where he found them. I'll take them off next week, but it's a pain to load up the car with the baby, because I have to leave him alone in the house while I'm loading the car (I'm not leaving him in a hot car, or a still one with the engine running), and I don't like having him out of my sight and hearing. I'm trying to follow the FlyLady routines & do 15 minutes here or there, and catch up when the baby's asleep, but it can be hard, especially since 2/3 of the time baby falls asleep with me holding him and wakes up if ai move or put him down.

The baby is doing good though. He's teething, so he's more fussy than normal and wants to be held most of the time, but he's growing good. At his 4 month appointment, he was 18 pounds 2 oz, and 28 inches long. He's been rolling over for a while, and uses that to scoot all over the floor now. He loves being on his tummy, and is pushing up on hands and knees and hands and feet, but hasn't figured out how to move forward other than to scoot an inch or two sometimes. He smiles and laughs a lot, especially if you make faces or do something silly, and is babbling a whole lot too. We haven't started him on meals of solids yet, but are giving him tastes and he's doing good with that. He likes holding his spoon, and will put it in his mouth (then chew on and play with it), so I am letting him. He also kept trying to grab hold of our cups and glasses when we had drinks, and will sip from one if you just give him a little bit, so I'm letting him play with a sippy cup. We're going to get him a beginner sippy cup to try in the next week or two but, for now, I'm just giving him the chance to hold and explore new things.

My show was on Discovery Health a week or two ago, but I still haven't seen it (we don't have regular television, just Netflix & a DVD/video player). I'm waiting to get a DVD copy in the mail from the producers, and then I'll blog about that.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Taking it Slow

The last couple weeks, I feel like I've been really laid back and not gotten much accomplished, but I think that's what I need. I was getting short on sleep again, and getting kinda loopy and irritable. I also ended up making myself sick, and have had little energy and been having headaches and low fever on and off for the last couple week (I had a minor sinus infection, but I think a lot of it was just being worn out on top of that).

So, I've pared things down to the bare minimum around here. I haven't been running, because I haven't had the energy at all and got sick to my stomach last time I tried. I have been walking some, mostly on the treadmill in case I need to lay down, but that's usually less than a mile before I start feeling like crud anymore. I'm also easing up on the house and decluttering/sorting things for now. I'm trying to get/keep a routine going for dishes, laundry, dusting vacuuming, and other things that have to be done, and then I'll work more sorting and tossing back into it. I have been planning out meals out and cooking at home more, so that means more cleaning, but less having to round up all the baby's stuff and go out when I haven't been up to it.

I'm feeling pretty good right now with the whole laid back thing. I'm getting the basics done, and just putting the rest on the back burner, because I think I was trying too much at once. The great thing is it's giving me much more time to play with the baby, so I can sit awhile and read to him more, or just lay on the floor with him for an hour or two while he scoots and rolls, and play with him or rearrange his toys within reach to keep him interested. If I'm tired, instead of staying up, I'll sometimes join him for an afternoon nap. I'm going to start adding things back in once I get over this creeping crud, but I think I'll do it one activity at a time, and try to make sure to leave time to relax each day.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Back

I ended up spending an extra week at my mom's with the baby, and have taken some time here at home to just chill and an not worry about blogging or anything else, but I'll try to get back into the swing of things this week.

I am doing a lot better with the depression, and feeling better overall. I have had some trouble with anxiety, but it's better than it was for the most part. I'm having problems with panic attacks and major anxiety with driving now (since I was in a bad wreck a while back, I've had this off and on), but most days I don't really have to drive anywhere, so it's manageable. Id would be nice to get out of the house more, but I'll work on that as it comes - besides, I'd probably go shopping anyway and that's the last thing I need to be doing.

I followed up with my doctor, and he did recommend going back on meds, but said that he thought I'd be ok without them if I felt like I would. The main issue is breastfeeding - my supply dropped some while I was away from home, because he was getting more bottles and nursing less than normal, but I'm still working on getting it back up, and don't want to cut it short because of medications. For now, I have a prescription for something I can take as needed, and then wait for it to get out of my system before I nurse (it's a low enough dose he said there shouldn't be any transfer to my milk, but I'd rather be extra safe).

I slacked off on the running and exercise for a while, so I probably won't do the tri I wanted to, but I'll do one in either winter or spring instead. It's been really hot and I haven't been sleeping much at night, so it's got my whole schedule mixed up and was making me feel like crud (blackouts again & dizziness, but was skimping on sleep and skipping meals, so no big surprise). I'm trying to get more rest now, and working on eating more normal again, so I'll work in more running & biking once I feel a little better. I also need to join a pool or fitness center to work on my swimming, but the only one with childcare around here is $50 a month (over twice per year what the rec center charges), and I hate to spend that if I end up not going because of the whole driving thing.

I'm still working on the house. For a while, I just didn't feel like I could handle anything, so nothing really got done. I went through the cabinets and got rid of a bunch of old extra dishes and coffee cups and got my dish cabinets organized. I probably need to go through the tupperware and stuff again and match everything up, but other than that and sorting the pantry (moving older stuff to the front & checking the dates), the kitchen is good to go. I have two more boxes of clothes to go to Goodwill, as well. I've been putting off going through the clothes I'd set aside to keep, but there's really too much of it, so I'll probably try to cut back to about half of it as well. Since I'm not working, I don't need all the business clothes I had, and I'm sure there are others who could use that kind of thing cheap. Besides, if I keep up the running and all, I'll probably be a few sizes smaller when I go back to work, and need new clothes anyway.

The baby's doing great. He's growing like a weed, sleeping through the night and into the morning, but staying awake most of the day. He's scooting around and rolling, so we really have to watch him now, and we took the mattress off the bed frame, because I was afraid he'd roll off in the morning (he'd already pushed the "bumper" pillow off once after my husband got up for work, so now that side's against the wall and there's no edge to roll off). He's teething, so he's been a little fussy at times, but the chamomile drops & amber teething necklace are working great. He's also learned to stick out his tongue, which is just funny.
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