Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Things have been pretty normal, I've just had a lot on my plate and not much time to write for pleasure.
Robbie's a year old now and doing great. He's walking, climbing, and getting into everything and is beginning to say a few words (mama, daddy, dog, up, et(eat), no, uh-oh). He's almost 3 feet tall around and was around 25 pounds at his last checkup.
I'm still toughing it out. The depression has lifted a lot, but I have been having really bad anxiety and starting to get panic attacks again. I haven't been to see my doctor in a while because money is too tight, so I'm just dealing as best I can. Physically, I'm on thyroid and vitamin D pills, and have tried both Lyrica and Celexa without really great results. It's hard to tell how much of the soreness and energy drain is due to depression, how much is due to thyroid and/or vitamin deficiency, and how much may be do to fibro. Personally, I'm a little skeptical of the fibromyalgia diagnosis, because it seems to be a catch-all around here when doctors can't figure out what is wrong.
I'm trying to do some freelance writing from home, but it is hard to do while the baby is awake, so I keep staying up late at night to work on projects and then feeling like crap the next day. I'm writing for literally pennies per word, so it's a lot of work for very little pay, but at least it's something. I haven't had luck finding a job otherwise, between not having childcare or being able to afford it, and having some of the health programs I'm still dealing with now. I've really bombed a couple of the interviews I got, because I'm getting extremely anxious and having trouble concentrating and focusing on things. Of course, I'm sure having to bring the baby with me to most interviews isn't doing much to help, either.
I'm hoping the real estate market picks up and trying to save up a little money to get back into that once my health straightens out some. I really loved working as a real estate agent, and it's flexible enough to allow me to spend a lot more time with the baby than most other jobs would. I'm still pretty adamant against putting him in daycare, even if I could afford it, and there isn't anyone around here I'd trust to watch him. I put in an application in customer retention with a family friendly film company, but am waiting to see if they are family friendly enough to let me have my child at work with me. I also consider pizza delivery, but several people have told me it's dangerous, and I don't want to risk that.
I'm getting over the flu right now, so I'm not up to a whole lot, but I think I'm going to start walking again next week, sore or not, and try to build back up to running again. I just feel so "blah" all the time, and I'm hoping it will help me get my energy back. It should also help get my vitamin D up, because I'll be out in the sunshine.
Raine @ Mama Rants
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